I was expecting to get knocked back on my butt with the increase of the Ketamine mixture. Luckily, it felt like my body was kind of growing used to what to expect and how to process it all. Maybe I was finally past the hardest part. I went in at a pain level of 5 and left at 5. I believe it was all the bed rest that had me feeling so much better when it came to dealing with the Ketamine and how I needed to deal with it all. (Eyes closed the majority of the time, I asked for additional Versed this time, had pillows to keep my arms propped up a bit more to reduce the stress on my shoulders since I would be sitting up for 4 hours, was able to request the reclining chair, requested a blanket before it all started so I would stay warm, and overall went in feeling a bit better about the process.) They continued using my left hand for the IV. I still had the mental trip of feeling like I was falling down a rabbit hole filled with thoughts of uselessness, failure, exhaustion, wasting money and time, and overall anxiety about the ordeal, but I was expecting that since it was becoming the regular experience. I kind of feel jealous about those that get to have all the enjoyable hallucinations and happy trips... I guess I am just a high strung worrier and that gets amplified tenfold. By the time it came to transfer to the wheelchair, I was able to transfer pretty easily; transferring to the car was not too hard. We stopped for a smoothie again since it helped sober me up a bit faster last time. Once we got home I was actually able to stumble and lean my way to the front door and to my cot. I definitely was doing a bit better this time. This spoke well for the next session. My mantra became 'only 2 more days' whenever I had an rough moment that day. My husband chimed in a few helpful reminders when the going got tough at times. I was able to make my way up the stairs to the real bed after a few hours of resting and was even able to grab a shower before heading to bed for the rest of the day.
Curtains and the infusion bag were pretty much my entire view for the duration of the treatments aside from glancing at my tablet to operate it the best I could. I could not read what the bag said which is why I took a picture of it to look at later. I had physical pain trying to force my eyes to look up.
The weekend rest had me feeling much better and recharged.
Just in time to knock me back on my butt... Round 4.
The picture below accurately shows how my vision was for me.
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